An Engaging Story - Read Film Noir Style

It was a warm Tuesday afternoon when I walked into my apartment. It was dark, too dark. I walked to the back of the apartment and to the half-closed door of my room. I cautiously pushed the door ajar, and there, on my bedroom floor, were balloons. Pink and white, everywhere. (Except you can't tell that they're pink and white, 'cause you obviously see in black and white right now.) On a chair, pulled into the middle of the room, is a sealed manila envelope. I tear open the seal and pull out the contents: candid photographs of a handsome culprit, a disc, and a list of instructions. I popped the disc in and found a transmission from Agent A to me. I was to find one Michael Watkins, who was armed and extremely dangerous.

This should be interesting.

I prepared for the mission I had been given. The list of instructions told me to be dressed sharply, so I put on a white skirt, red top, and red stiletto heels - some say they're not practical, but they've never had to stab anyone with a heel before. I didn't know what to expect.

At precisely the given time, I left to the given place and found in the cabinet a clue! I pulled the bridal magazine from the shelf and red the next clue, "Go to apartment 209. There you will find a Vinni and a Fingers." I left immediately. I had heard of Vinni and his hitman Fingers before. They were not to be left waiting. 

I walked into the darkened apartment, and there they were, sitting at a table playing cards oh so cooly. 

"We've been expecting you."

"Sorry. Traffic kept me."

"Fingahs, show the lady some manners. Vacate your seat."

"Sorry, Bwoss." 

"Please, Miss, take a seat."

I sat in Finger's place, after being thoroughly checked with a tongue depressor. Vinnie and I chatted for a while, and played a quick game of blackjack - Vinnie loves cards, it's a good way to win him over. After we were done with the pleasantries, we got down to business. 

"We have an informant who you might be interested in listening to," said Vinnie, pronouncing every syllable. They handed me a rose with a clue on the package. I would have to go to the Hinckley building, but I wasn't allowed to see. They blindfolded me, wrapped a coat around my shoulders, and lead me outside, down the stairs, across the snowy parking lot, and stuffed me into their car. The drive to the Hinckley is maybe 2 1/2 minutes, but it took us at least 6 to get there. (Vinnie is a very discreet man, even when I know where the location is.) Vinnie and Fingers talked nonchalantly the whole way. When we got out, Fingers was sent to find the informant and bring her to the meeting place where Vinnie and I would be waiting. 

It took a while for the informant to get to the statue we were to meet at, but when she did, she gave me the last clue: a box of perfume with the last clue on it. I took the blindfold off and grasped the clue.

"You should be able to find your way from here," she said, and she walked off around a corner.

I left the building promptly. The clue said he'd be in the gardens wearing black. No one was to be seen, except a young couple and their photographer. I searched over the gardens and finally saw a stone gazebo. I rounded the gazebo and there he was, in black as promised - the culprit! I walked into the gazebo.

"The gig is up, Watkins."

But was it? He had a new way of wriggling out of trouble, as always. He reached in his pocket - I reached toward my stiletto just in case - and pulled out a box. He dropped to one knee and opened the box.

 

Epilogue:

We went out to dinner at a place called Sandpiper in Idaho Falls. It was amazing! After that he took me to the Jim Brickman concert at the civic auditorium. (For those of you who don't know, Jim Brickman is a huge romantic piano soloist.) It was so much fun! Although I think I may have failed my mission - oh well. That's where wining and dining will get ya!

 

Girl's Night: Conner Style

"Ang, I have a proposition to make."

"Shoot."

"Saturday: you, me, the roomies, Aileen, Martinelli's, junk food, Miss America Pageant."

"Uhhh, yeah.  Let's do it!"

Okay, beauty pageants have been a Conner Women tradition since Mum had daughters old enough to enjoy critiquing, which surprisingly enough was when Alexa and I were at very young ages.  Every time a big one came up, we'd schedule a Girl's Night and reserve the living room.  There's quite a few actually: Miss Teen USA, Miss USA, Miss America, Miss Universe, and Miss World.  I think there's even a Mrs. America/USA (not sure which). We focused mainly on Miss America, Miss USA, and Miss Universe.  I've seen a couple of the others.  

Sadly, when Dad took us out to Saipan (yes, DAD; it would be a boy that took us away from our beloved Girl's Nights) the parents decided against getting television.  It's really not the worst thing in the world, but there a few things that I would really like to watch - pageants being a few of them.  So the Girl's Nights pretty much ended.  Yeah, once in a while we'd rent a movie when the guys were out or Dad was on a business trip, but that stopped too after Mum gave up her addiction to ice.  (That's a story for another time, folks.) 

I haven't seen a pageant since I've been back in the States.  For a couple of years they were doing all sorts of weird stuff to try and get their ratings back up.  One year they even did a FearFactor version, which was just totally against everything these pageants stand for. 

Pageants stand for something? you may ask.  Oh yes.  The point of all beauty pageants has been to inspire women to not only be beautiful on the outside, but also strive to achieve great things and become great women on the inside.  The stereotypical beauty has no brains, and these pageants are out to prove otherwise.  The winners and runners-up all receive considerable scholarships. 

Although this is a worthy cause, the pageants were getting a little out of hand.  They were losing ratings steadily, and it was because the style of everyday women had changed since the original airing in 1921.  (Ya think?!)  But the women were still doing the big-hair-big-make-u-dress-up-for-every-activity-even-if-it-was-a-marathon thing.  This year they passed it into the hands of TLC - a daughter channel of the Discovery Channel.  They aired the pilot of "Miss America: Reality Check" four weeks before the pageant.  The reality show put the 52 contestants into a house together and divided them into teams.  I really liked this because it brought the women closer together than ever before.  Even though they lived in the same hotel for the week of the pageant, they had always been there to compete, not to make friends.  The friendship was apparent among the ladies throughout the entire pageant, particularly when Miss Utah dropped to the ground and gave about 10 pushups after been eliminated from the top 16, and about seven other girls followed suit.  (The crowed was going wild.)  

I only saw the pilot of the reality show, but the gist of it was to revamp Miss America.  The message they wanted to send was, "Any girl can look beautiful no matter what she's doing, including real-life things."  The message they were sending was, "Any girl can look beautiful no matter what she's doing as long as it can be done in heels and hairspray."  They brought beauticians and hairdressers to teach the girls how to say "NO!" to aerosols and dangly earrings when the activity was a relay race (and yes, there were a number of girls who actually needed to be told so).  They brought on Stacy and Clinton from What Not to Wear (LOVE THAT SHOW! too bad I have a life) to teach the girls that their sparkly cow-girl boots were something to wear at home, not on stage.  

Another thing they did different this year was have 16 semi-finalists rather than 15.  The last one was voted on by Americans over the previous four weeks online rather than by the judges. The winner was Jill Stevens, Miss Utah.  Seriously, this girl was AMAZING! I mean, the 10 finalists were really cute and talented and smart, but NO ONE was as spunky as Miss Utah.  I am certain she won Miss Congeniality.  When she was called off I thought the crowd might rush the stage.  

Over all, I liked the new version.  I was a little disappointed that Kirsten Haglund, Miss Michigan won.  I mean, she was okay, but definitely not the best one out there.  In fact, after Miss Utah was voted off, I was all about the girl that got runner-up, but I can't think of who she is, or where she's from.  Oh well.  

Oh yeah!  I almost forgot the best part!  As they were crowning Miss Michigan, and she was freaking out and all, it was very obvious that there was bright red lipstick on her tooth and up her face quite a bit.  Angela, Jenni, and I were laughing so hard!  That would suck!  I mean, that's on camera and everything for the REST OF HER LIFE!  Hahaha!  The thing is, no one told her, not even the guy who walked right up to her face and gave her the flowers and a kiss.  No!  It wasn't until she got back from her little walk and the other ladies came up to congratulate her than one of the girls finally wiped it off for her.  Man, her face after she realized what she'd done was almost better than seeing her do it!

Read This to Your Boys!!

Okay, so, last May there was a prance (prom/dance) held in the Saipan Branch cultural hall. Let me tell you the story real quick and I'll get on to why it's a little annoying to me.

So, the youth wanted an LDS-standards formal dance; so they set up a prom committee. They were not using Church funds, which meant the kids would have to buy the tickets themselves in order to pay for the dance. They reserved a room in one of the hotels, and started making plans. Tickets cost somewhere around $25. (I know. It's ridiculously cheap. In fact, thinking about the rest of the story makes me almost sick because of the cheapness of these tickets. Couple's tickets for my senior prom were $60.) Boys started picking out girls, and far more importantly girls started picking out dresses.

A few months into this whole affair, and they almost had to cancel it all. The tickets weren't selling. TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS and they weren't selling! You can make that much in a day, without a steady job, even in Saipan. The committee quickly decided that the only way to save the dance was to move it to the cultural hall in the church building. Not the most elegant of places, but they could spruce it up. The boys confirmed their dates and the dance turned out to be a success.

So here's what gets to me: the utter tackiness and lack of appreciation boys EVERYWHERE show for the girls they seem so keen on dating. Do these guys realize how much an event like this costs for a girl, or do they really just not care enough to spend a little cash? My gown was right around $100, and I still had to get it altered. I didn't even buy the shoes I really wanted 'cause they were another $60, so I just settled on a black, rinestone-encrusted pair of highheels from Payless for about $25. There's jewlery, which they have to buy to match the dress, which I've heard of going anywhere from $15-$90 for a prom. Then there's the hair, which takes time and for most girls, another $20-$40. If they also have their makeup done for them, which probably about half of the girls in the world do for prom and other very formal events, that's another $20-$60. That brings the total to between $160 (saying they get the cheap shoes) and $290, if they do their own makeup.

Renting a tux can cost anywhere from $45 to $90. But boys in high school - nix that, boys in general - are obviously not too concerned with how nice the tuxedo is, and will get the cheapest one they can find, unless they can get by in a nice suit and tie. They cough up $15-$30 for a corsage and call it an evening! So, they spend AT MOST for a prom, including a $60 ticket (which is a little high for a lot of schools), $180. That's at the very most.

This isn't even all of it. I have had boys come to pick me up for a date in Burmuda shorts and a questionably clean tee-shirt. If we were very close friends I would accept something like this for a picnic on the beach, or a hike or a bonfire. (Actually, no, the tee shirt would definitely have to be clean for any of these.) These were guys trying to make first impressions, or trying to plan something really romantic. Men have escorted me to dances or church in wrinkled khakis, or poorly knotted ties. What is it with guys?! If I ever bring it up, his excuse is, "Well, I'm paying for the date." (Guys, this line is so tacky and rude that after saying it you can be pretty sure you will never date that girl again.) Or if it's free, it's something like, "It doesn't really matter. It's not a formal thing." Excuse me, but if you're going anywhere alone it should at least matter, but if you're going to be with me, or anyone else that has put any effort AT ALL into their attire, the least you can do is think it out a little. I'm not saying you should be entirely wrapped up in vainity, but just have the courtesy of putting a little thought into it.

And no, being a friend I date regularly or my boyfriend, or even my husband does not mean you can start dressing shabby on our dates. I dress nicely 'cause I want people to be able to look at us and think, "Man, that guy is lucky! Look at the chic on his arm!" (Whether anyone actually thinks that or not in my case is irrelavent.) Why can't the guy have enough courtesy to dress well enough for the girls around us to think, "Mmm-hmm! Look at that FINE piece of eye-candy! That girl knows how to pick her accessories!"

Anyway, that's my pet peeve for now. I hope you read this boys, so it'll start to sink in. I know the majority or you think that you are perhaps too old to save, but I have faith in anyone under the age of 50. Mothers, get your boys started young.

Pictures from the Saipan Prance can be found on my mum's blog. www.thethinks.blogspot.com.

FASHION FAUX PAS!

Okay, I promised some really good outfits. And here they are!

Outfit #1: My friend Elle wore all black in order to balance out her date (and new boyfriend) Bryan's completely white ensemble. Bryan's outfit was awesome! It was simple, but cool. It consisted of new white sneakers, white tux-pants, and a white shirt. Over his white shirt, he wore the rest of the tux, which of course was the jacket. Here's the "coolness" of his outfit: his jacket had tails! It was awesome! I actually got a picture of it that I will put on here as soon as Elle sends it to me. (I took it, but it was her camera. She's in the shot.)

Outfit #2: Here are a couple of pimped outfits that I find very awesome-funny and thus, important to mention. There are two Samoan guys at my school, I think they're cousins. Their names are Luka and Mika. They dressed to match their dates' dresses. (Mika blue, Luka red.) Their overcoats where over-sized and their pants were pretty baggy, but they were made that way. Actually, I think they must have baught the outfits all as parts of the same suit! That's the only way it could have happened! Then, they each had huge top-hats. You know, the kind that are way big. And to top it all off, they each carried a cane, and each cane was topped with a 'ginmorous faux jewel! It was priceless!

Outfit #3: Ahh! Revenge can be so sweet! There's this girl at school that kind of has an attitude. She's often carried it out on me when we played basketball together. (She quit. Coach wouldn't play her because she didn't show up to practice. That made her mad, so she quit. That kind of attitude.) She's half-American and lived in Texas before she came here. Anyway, the day of prom, Elle calls me up and says, " I just got back from the salon. You know ________? She was in there with me. She says she designed her own dress. She got her hair, makeup, a pedicure, and a manicure done all at the same time! She must have been in there forever!" Now, designing your own dress is one thing, but this wasn't really a dress. She arrives to prom wearing something that would take you back... to the 1800's. She was in an extremely short, white dress that had sequines or faux jewelery or something like that on the... hmmm... searching for the right word... some people call it a bodice, but I think it would have to cover more than it did to fall under that category. The bottom reached a little (very little) past her bum, not counting the tassles. Yes... tassles. The very word makes me cringe with horror! The girl was wearing TASSLES on the bottom of her dress. If she only had a pair of fishnet stockings she could have showcased as a dancer in a shifty, 19th century saloon! And the hair! THE HAIR! It was piled perilously in top of her head and lightened about 5 shades. *Wince* It was very funny to see her come into the bathroom and exclaim (explicits replaced), "HOLY CRAP! I didn't know I was lookin' like this! I got some kind o' Tina Turner thang goin' on here! I mean, it looked good in the salon, but now it's gone all freaky on me!" Now, if I had said what I was really thinking, it would have gone somehting like this: Honey, there was no place or time in this world that THAT looked good. Instead I said, "It's probably just the humidity." She agreed. I laughed very hard with friends and family afterward.