Steven Wright - Comedian
*On Ambition: "I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."
*On Being Realistic: "When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."
*On Gaining Experience: "Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it."
*On Self-Worth: "If you think nobody cares for you, try missing a couple of payments."
Jerry Seinfeld - Comedian
*On Common Sense: "Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason."
*On Ageism: "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law."
Angela Breiding - Roommate
*On Movies: (During X-Men) "So, which one is X-Man?" (During Batman Begins)"Where's Batman?" (During The Pink Panther) "Is there gonna be a panther in this movie?" (During King Kong) "Oh! The sticks keep the monkey out!"
Joshua Cole - Brother From Another Mother
*On Fashion: "I used to be a terrible dresser, then my mom took me to Old Navy, and, well, I've been irresistible ever since."
Andrea Membreno - Roommate
*On the US Postal Service: "Hi, we were just wondering if the Saturday Mail will be delivered tomorrow or not." Res. Assistant: "Ummm... tomorrow's Thursday." [PAUSE] "Soooo.... is that a no on the Saturday mail?"